Antonymity
by Synthetic Ecstasy
Summary: Kaoru learns the joys of road trips with Misao. And manages to perfect the art of sarcasm and randomness along the way. Crack, utter randomness. KxK, MxS, MxA.
1. Carols in a Car

**Authors Note: **Uh. I was extremely bored one day so I decided to write this. It should be a two or three part 'drabble' story thing. OOC and very random. Crackfic. And mainly set in Kaoru's POV. Something for the usual readers of Soulverwhelmed to entertain themselves until the new story is out. Hoorah.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin or it's ... creations.

* * *

Ah, Christmas… one of the most celebrated holidays in the world… well, before everyone started to take others' religions into thought and now a lot of the things were discontinued.

To be honest, I couldn't really give a damn because I absolutely hate Christmas with a passion…

Why?

Well, if you were stuck in a car for several hours with someone singing Christmas carols nonstop, and very off key might I add, you too would be wondering if you could stab the people who wrote such songs and the people, or in this case person, singing them.

"…Tis the season to be jolly! C'mon, Kaoru, sing!"

I felt myself twitch.

"…Do you even breathe?"

"Most people have to, if they want to survive."

Now I really want to pout.

"… Damn."

"Kaoru? Can you not be your normal, sarcastic, cynical and pessimistic self for once in your life?"

I gave an exasperated sigh.

"Misao? Can you not be your normal, irritating, hyper, optimistic self for once in your life?"

"Nope!"

Too much enthusiasm in that.

"… And here I was, getting my hopes up. I think this is the equivalent of coal in my stocking."

Sarcasm is my friend, I hope.

"Coal? I doubt it. I don't think you're even worthy of getting coal this Christmas."

Ouch, that hurt.

"Wow, Misao, I can feel the love just oozing out of your entire being. Thank you, oh, so, much."

Insert innocent smile here.

"You're welcome."

…

"Sarcasm has no effect on you whatsoever, does it?"

I arched my left eyebrow.

"No."

Little weasel sod.

* * *

Tree… tree… tree… rock…. Sheep… tree…

_This_ is interesting.

"Well, as much as I hate to say it, I'm _bored!_"

A snort from Misao.

"If it'd irritate someone, you'd do it gladly. And you know how irritating saying 'I'm bored!' is. Why not try something else?"

Owlish blink.

Tiny smirk.

"Okay then!"

A wary glance at the too-cheerful-to-be-inconspicuous smile on my face.

"Are we there yet?"

Misao's eyebrow twitched.

I barely restrained giggle.

"Does it look like we're there yet?"

"No."

Exasperated sigh from Misao.

"… There are no shiny lights making me blind yet."

Misao spluttered before glaring.

Point for me.

"I'll have you know that the Christmas trees in the main square are wonderful!"

Sneer.

I bet she they are.

"You just like them because they're shiny and reduce most normal people into seizures because of the spastically flashing lights."

Another point for me.

"… Not you too."

Mumbled, but I still heard it.

"HAH! I KNEW IT!"

Emphatic gesture causing Misao to swerve because of stray hand hitting the steering wheel.

Loud honking noise.

Wait…

"HOLY SHIT! WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD, YOU RETARD!"

Identical screams.

Swerve back to the correct side of the road.

Narrowly miss getting hit by truck.

…

An Impish smile, casually ignoring the thundering of my heart.

"Can we do that again?"

Another twitch from Misao.

"NO!"

…

"… Are we there yet?"

"Kaooooruuuuuu!"

A small frown.

"Please don't drawl my name out like that. It makes it sound kind of sexual."

Disgusted gagging noises from the pair of us.

"… Shut up, you twot!"

I beg your pardon?

"Twat."

I shouldn't need to correct her.

"… That's what I said!"

Snort.

"No you didn't. You said Twot."

Evil Glare.

"Same thing!"

Another blink..

"Actually. Twot has an 'o' and twat has an 'a'."

…

"Don't be a smart ass."

Another glare from Misao.

"You'd rather I be a dumb ass?"

An irritated sigh from Misao.

"You are a dickhead, Kaoru."

I clasped hands together and hold them up to my chest, batting my eyelashes.

"You are too kind!"

A pinch on my arm from Misao.

"Ow! What was that for?"

A pointed look clearly stating 'Moron!' from Weasel-girl.

"For being a smart ass."

…

"I'm not, I'm a dickhead."

Volume of We Wish You A Merry Christmas increases.

Ah, road trips…

I wonder when I'll have to crack the 'I need to pee!' question.

Come to think of it…

"Hey, Misao?"

Suspicious stare.

"What?"

Insane grin lighting up my face…

"Are we there yet?"

* * *

Yawn.

Give sideways glance at usually hyperactive young woman now slowly deflating.

"Weasel."

Slow blink from Misao as she visibly tried to figure out what I had called her.

"What now, raccoon girl?"

I scowled.

Gods, how I hated that nickname.

"I'm hungry."

Misao growled.

"Nice to meet you, hungry."

I quirked my eyebrow again at the sarcasm in her voice.

"Any of those fruit rings left?"

I twisted around in seat.

Then promptly stare at scattered bags in the back seat of car.

This… might be difficult.

I ponder if crawling to the backseat while driving would be a good option.

"Found you, you little bastards!"

Triumphant smirk.

Slowly, crawl forwards over the center console.

Reach awkwardly from position inbetween the front seats.

Screech from behind.

"KAORU! GET YOUR ASS OUT OF MY FACE!"

Huh?

Snigger.

So that's what was wrong.

"In a moment!"

I love sing-songing things.

That… made sense.

Reaching…. Reaching…

"Bwaha! Gotcha!"

Success.

Fruit Rings in my grasp, twist back around to chair before Misao can find a way to kick said ass.

"Geez, weasel, chill out!"

Death glare from Misao.

"I'll chill out when your ass isn't blocking my sight, baka!"

A sudden evil glare.

"Are you saying my ass is fat?"

Growl from the right.

"Yes. Yes I am!"

Scandalized gasp.

"How dare you! I'll have you know that my ass is the epitome of perfection!"

A sneer.

"Yeah, right. Next to perfection, you have no ass."

Is that really?

Pffffttttt….

"If I have no ass, where'd you think that came from?"

Attack of the pong!

"KAORU! THAT STINKS!"

Pwoaaarrrr… It does too.

…

"Merry Christmas, Misao!"

"TANUKI!"

Enraged shriek.

* * *

"Are we there yet?"

Misao groaned.

"No."

I pouted.

"How about now?"

Munch.

Ah, blessed fruit rings.

"No."

Misao waved a Candy cane around threateningly, glaring evilly at me.

"Enough with the are we there yet shit!"

Ponder, yet again.

"… Computer says no."

Cough.

"Kaoru, you really are enjoying yourself too much."

I gave her a blank stare.

"What? I'm merely doing to you what you do to me."

She groaned again before glaring.

"Sarcastic bitch."

"Insipid Weasel-chit."

"Nice one, Kaoru."

I gave her an awkward small bow.

"Indeed."

Nibble on the juicy fruit rings that have blessed our confectionary isles and collections.

"You're sad."

"Uh… boohoo?"

Headdesk…. Headsteeringwheel?

Its always odd watching someone slam his or her head against a steering wheel.

So she's ignoring me, is she?

I'll have to change that.

"… MISAO."

"WHAT?!??!"

Heh.

"…"

"Don't even THINK about it!"

Well, damn!

She was good!

"… If I do, you'd spank me?"

She gave me a disgusted look.

"Spank yourself, Tanuki!"

I giggled.

"That sounds kinda kinky."

"KAORU!"

"I'm kidding, you moron."

My laughter nearly drowned the small noise Misao made.

I think she said 'Why me, Kami-sama?'

Ah, how fun it is to annoy Misao.

Almost as satisfactory as hiding Megumi's shoes after stashing her sharp and pointy scalpels and other things that like to hurt people.

"I can't wait until we arrive at the Aoi-ya!"

I bet.

"JII-CHAN!"

Fake squeal impersonation Misao.

"… My ears."

I couldn't help but snort.

"Please. Like you don't act like that every day?"

Pause.

"True."

"Of course."

Smile.

"So… how much further is it now?"

A blind grope down the side of the car seat from Misao.

Ouch.

Flying maps of mass destruction.

If I get a paper cut on my nose, I'm suing.

"Look on that!"

K.

"Right. So…. We're here."

I pointed at the map.

"And we're going there."

Another point.

"So… how far is that, Kaoru?"

Glance.

I made an estimated measure with my fingers.

Holding up my thumb and pointer finger an inch apart, I stared at her seriously.

"It's about this far on the map."

Blink.

"What if you have a bigger map?"

Uh.

"Then it's a little bit further."

"… Right."

We both snorted.

…

"Can we listen to some music?"

Misao looked dubious.

"No."

Aw.

"Why not?"

Now she looks incredulous.

"Need I remind you that you threw the last CD out the window while we were going down a highway at 100 km/h?"

"… You just did."

Giggle snort.

"Quiet."

"Says the great weasel."

"Shut up or else I'll gag you!"

…

"Don't do that, I might like it."

Insane giggling at the priceless look on Misao's face.

If I have to stare at another gloomy horizon with only the cracked road as far as I can see, I'm going to at least enjoy myself...

* * *

I hate it when a fly gets trapped inside the car.

When they fly through the open window and they hide for a while so you think they left.

But when you roll up the window, they reappear.

So they buzz against the glass, repeatedly smacking into it like it'll open.

So you open it, not wanting to smoosh it because it's so damn fast.

It flies to another window and buzzes against the glass there.

Talk about irritating!!!

Misao has been watching my antics for about half an hour and now I'm starting to get annoyed.

So.

It attacks my face.

"Fuck off!"

I waved the fly away.

Sigh.

The Fly lands on my forehead.

Time to become emphatic.

"Fuck. _Off_."

Wave fly away again.

…

Paranoid glance around.

It appears to be missing…

Blink.

That made perfect sense.

"Come 'ere!"

"You just told it to fuck off."

"I changed my mind!"

"Rigghtttt."

Misao snorted and turned her gaze to the road.

I think she mumbled something about lost marbles.

In my opinion, flies should live up to their names.

So, I don't kill them, per see, but I stun them.

Then, you pull its little legs off.

The little bastard can't land now.

Insert Insane Cackling Here.

"FUCK."

"But Aoshi-sama isn't here!"

…

That was disturbing.

"I'm going to ignore that."

"Kay."

We both snorted again.

…

Fucking fly!

"Fuck off my forehead, _fly_."

So it walks around on my face.

Joy.

"FUCK OFF OR I'LL KILL YOU!"

It's fun threatening small insects.

Especially irritating ones that keep flying back to the same fucking spot.

ON MY FACE.

Eyebrow twitch.

And now Misao is looking at me like I grew another head.

Which I did /not/ because honestly, you would notice if that happened.

"THAT'S IT! WHERE IS THE FLYSPRAY?!?!"

"Uhm. We don't have any."

RATS.

"Why not?"

"… Kao, I don't randomly keep fly spray in my car."

"BUT IT IS AN EMERGENCY!"

Misao snorted.

"Stop being dramatic."

I'm not dramatic… I'm _melo_dramatic.

Pish.

And this is a serious situation.

"Fine. I'll just have to kill the bastard without the help of chemicals."

Misao glanced at me before returning her focus to the road.

Smart Girl.

Right…

I glanced down at the pair of rubber thongs I'm wearing.

Not the underwear, either, you sicko.

This might prove to be another mission.

I freaking love Road Trips.

…

Now where did that fly go?

* * *

Doze.

Bump.

Ow.

What the fuck?

Sleepy blink.

"Where are we?"

Yawn.

"The land of Oz."

Sarcasm.

"…Oh, thanks Toto."

Curl back into ball on my seat.

"We're nearly there."

That's nice.

"Mmm… really?"

Funny.

I don't care right now.

"Yup! So. Wake up now, Tanuki. Megumi said that she and Sanosuke are preparing dinner. With special guests!"

High-pitched squeal from Misao.

Twitch.

My poor abused ears.

"Will you shut up?"

I managed to groan; grabbing what I supposed was a lollie.

I threw it, hard.

Yet it just flew out the window because she moved her head.

Impertinent wench!

"Aoshi-sama is going to be there!"

Oh.

The living Ice statue.

"Is he going to be the ice sculpture near the punch, then?"

She gave an indignant growl.

Which resulted with a sharp tug on my hair.

OUCH.

Weasel-bitch.

"That was my hair, itachi!"

She Giggled.

"I know."

Meeeeeeehhh!!!!

"Another person is going to be there, too."

She says this conversationally like I care.

Whoop-dee-freaking-doo-da.

"Duncare."

I managed to give a slurred drawl before closing my eyes again.

"Oh? I heard he was quite the little hottie."

Really?

"You cheatin' on Ice-prick so soon?"

Whack.

Ouch.

"No! Stupid Tanuki! I was talking about you hooking up with him!"

Wha?

"In your dreams."

I'm too violent for most men to put up with me.

Plus … none of them are the right ones.

"His name is Kenshin! Megumi says that you two would be perfect together!"

Another squeal.

"No matchmaking."

"Aw! But Kao-ru!"

Haha.

No.

"Jump off a bridge."

…

"I hear he likes kendo."

Oh?

"I'm listening."

"… Well, Sano said that Kenshin knows an old battojutsu which is hardly ever used in this era!"

An old battojutsu, eh?

"What?"

"Hiten Mitsurugi-Ryu."

I gave a splutter.

"Holy shit! Are you serious?"

Misao blinked.

"Yeah."

Well damn!

"He must be amazing."

I wonder…

That is one old style…

In fact, the last time I heard about it was in the Meiji Period.

"How could he have learnt that? It's been decades since any record of that style has been found!"

"I…. I'm not sure."

There was something fishy about this.

"I'll have to meet him then."

There was a cheer from Misao.

"Best behavior!"

Goddamn.

No fun!

"… Mi-saooooo!"

"I mean it!"

"… Fine."

Dejected sigh.

Well…

That doesn't mean I can't cause mayhem inconspicuously.

Heh.

And if that baka rooster head mocks my cooking again, I'll Kamiya Kasshin-Ryu his feathered ass!

* * *

Yes. I am aware that Kaoru is basically hyper. But if you were stuck in a car. for as long as she was. you would be two. c:

REVIEW. Press the purply button and review. The more reviews, the faster I update. -insane grin- Toodles! ANDREVIEWWW. o;

Trance


	2. Arrival of DOOM

AN: Okay - I've been depressed lately so this chapter isn't as good as I would like. Not sarcastic, pretty boring. I apologyze. I will rewrite it later, because right now I'm a bit too down to do so. So, please put up with this then?

* * *

I was having the weirdest dream…

Everyone I knew, including some others, were animals.

I was a raccoon, Misao was a weasel, Megumi was a fox, Sanosuke was a rooster, Aoshi was a polar bear, Soujiro was a cheetah, Saitou was a wolf and then there was this unknown dragon with crimson scales.

And we were all having tea.

I do believe I've never been more mentally disturbed before.

Well, you would be too, if Saitou – the biggest hard-ass in the world and just so happens to my landlord and an ex-police officer – offered you a cup of jasmine tea with the biggest smile that showed far too much teeth to be polite.

And just when the strange dragon had started to slink towards me…

Misao woke me up.

Can't say I'm not happy that she did…

But the principle of this matter is to let sleeping dogs die.

Wait.

Never mind.

…

"Kaoru! Wakey-wakey, sleeping beauty!"

I felt someone poking me in the shoulder.

"Attempt to kiss me awake, I will sodomize you with your own kunai."

I managed to open my eyes and glare at the stupid weasel.

"This is the thanks I get for informing people that we are nearly at the correct destination? The nerve!"

I swear she gets indignant about everything.

"Misao. You did nothing of the sort, you woke me up and we are still in the middle of a freaking highway!"

Which reminds me, how is she poking me and not crashing at the same time?

Oh god.

She killed us, didn't she!

"No we aren't, we're just entering the city. And don't look at me like that, you're alive so stop feeling yourself up!"

I glared again.

"I am not feeling myself up, I am checking for any bodily damage!"

"Well, for starters, it'd be mental damaged concerning you."

Oh, that one hurt!

"And concerning you, we aren't even going to go into detail!"

"We?"

"Yes. We."

She stared at me with that infuriating eyebrow lifted.

And poorly at that!

"Who is 'we'?"

"Me, Freddy, bob and bill."

I couldn't help but respond dryly.

"Freddy, Bob, Bill and _I_."

I blinked.

"Uh. Me, Freddy, bob and bill."

"No. Freddy, Bob, Bill and _I, _for fuck sakes"

Well… FINE.

"Fine then, you guys go ahead then. I'll just start my own 'we' with Jack! Fucking bastards."

…

She stared at me.

I stared back.

"You're insane."

"And loving every minute of it, ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring andddd…"

"I don't know why you like that band so much."

Misao hated it when I sung.

I hated it when she talked but I didn't complain…

Often.

"Because they are unique and have long song names!"

I couldn't help but grin.

Even Misao got tongue-tied trying to pronounce the song titles.

"So, we still in the Land of Oz, Toto?"

"No, and I am not Toto, you moron!"

"No, you're a munchkin."

"And you're the wicked witch of the west then, right?"

It was kind of ironic that as soon as she said that, we passed over a bump.

A bump which made the drink I had rested in the cup holder beside me slosh onto my lap.

"I R MELTING!!!!!!"

More like freezing, really.

That drink must of turned into a slushie.

"Not on my car seats your not!"

"Really?"

I looked down and, sure enough, I wasn't.

Goddamnit.

I liked the thought of her ruined leather car seats.

Maybe next time then.

"Retard."

"Bless you."

That fly was back again.

Stupid bug.

"MISAO."

"… What, raccoon girl?"

I glanced in the small rear view mirror.

I had raccoon eyes!

Noooo!

Stupid mascara running while I was sleeping!

"Use your magical powers to spontaneously combust this fly."

She snorted at me.

"Why don't you?"

"… Uh… because I'm lazy?"

"Plus you're a bad cook."

I twitched violently.

So what if my cooking was hazardous to health.

It was an improvement from blowing up the kitchen.

Last time I did that, it had been at Megumi's house.

Needless to say, the firefighters came.

"And you're not allowed caffeine, we deal with it… more like rejoice."

She hit me.

Don't tell me she's still sensitive about the whole 'never allowed to have anything with caffeine in it, EVER AGAIN!' thing.

"I'm still upset about that so shut your mouth!"

…

I just said don't tell me!

Stupid, unable-to-read-minds weasel.

"ENOUGH. Use the your magical powers, woman!"

"Urgh, will you leave me alone if I do?"

I just gave her the large puppy dog eyes that I was famous for.

One look with these eyes and Yahiko gave me his pudding for the rest of the year!

Buahahahaa.

"Fine. Uhm. Bibbity, bobbity, boo! I command the fly to die!"

I peered very close at the still fly against the window.

A bit too close.

She drove over another bump.

A bump that had my head smack forwards into the window.

"DAMN BITCH, LEARN TO DRIVE!"

She giggled.

So, I turned around to glare at her.

Only she burst into such hysterics that she had to pull over to the side of the road near a large doctors building.

"What, may I ask, is so fucking funny?"

She laughed even harder, slamming her small forehead against the steering wheel while she cackled away.

I glanced in the mirror.

And promptly screamed so loud that I was surprised that the windows didn't shatter.

There.

In the middle of my forehead.

Was the fly?

Smooshed basically into my skin.

"THERE IS FLY GUTS ON MY FACE!"

I screamed again which caused Misao to start laughing even harder so that she was gasping like a fish out of water for oxygen.

"GET IT OOOFFFFFFFFFFFF!"

…

And that's how I spent three minutes staring at myself in the mirror, screaming, which Misao hacked her organs up.

I stopped when Misao handed me one of those washcloth things that they had in KFC.

She laughed all the while I cleaned the guts and bug remains off my forehead.

Once I was certain that my face was clean, I threw the paper out the window, regardless of the dirty looks I got.

There was silence in the car.

…

"What do you know, I am magical!"

"… Not another word."

The sound of her screeching laughter echoed in the street as she hightailed it out of there.

--

"Mou! Surely we are there by now!"

I sighed irritably, glaring out the windscreen while Misao sighed as well.

"Yes, Kaoru, we are here!"

Whoot!

"About bloody time too! Why did the lovely pair have to chose to move us _here_ of all places?"

"Uh. Because, for one – we have new jobs here and two – it's the best place for Yahiko to go to school at!"

Ah, that's right.

Our new shiny jobs.

And the brat's education, of course.

Misao was off to become a fully-fledged ninja with the help of Aoshi.

And I was a waitress/bartender at a funky new nightclub and small, attached restaurant called the Akabeko.

Joy.

And until Misao and I could get our own apartments or even share one, we get to stay at Sano's and Megumi's!

No offense to my dearest older cousin, but how she manages to put up with that oaf Sano is a mystery to me.

But I'm not going to say he's a bad bloke.

Sure he's a freeloader, teases me and filches my food when he thinks I'm not looking, but he's really like an older brother to me.

Yet his suggestion that we all stay at his place while we looks for our own place to stay was idiotic at least.

Five of us under the same roof.

We're all going to die.

…

"Yeah… hey is that the place!"

We both stared out the window at the large apartment building that loomed before us.

We gulped.

"Can Sano even afford a weeks rent at that place?"

"Meg is a doctor."

"Oh, that's right."

I looked at the small piece of paper with Misao's handwriting scrawled across it.

Reading the address and looking up at the number plate on the large building, I managed to come to a conclusion.

"It's the right place."

Misao slowly pulled into the large driveway and parked the car in a visitor space that was empty.

"Well, let's go then!"

"Sure, but there is no way that Yahiko and Sano are getting out of baggage duty."

Misao and I gave identical wicked grins as we both exited the car, slamming the doors shut behind us.

Stretching languidly, I managed to feel a moment of giddiness at the fact that I finally got to see my cousin and be out of the car!

…

Linking arms with Misao as she finally finished locking the car, the pair of us skipped into the building and headed for the elevator.

Time to greet our lovely hosts then!

--

"Mou! Open the damn door up! What the hell are you doing in there? Creating Sanosuke Junior? HELLO? FAMILY MEMBERS OUTSIDE IN THE COLD, YOU MORONS! DO YOU HAVE NO HEART?"

I am an impatient person.

There was a muffled curse somewhere in the apartment along with some chuckling noises.

Finally, the door swung open with a bit more force than needed.

"Tori-atama! About time!"

Misao and I pushed past him into the warm apartment, Misao managing to poke him in the ribs as she went.

"Geez, Jou-chan, a little louder next time?"

"I'll do my best then, sir!"

Sano slammed the door behind him.

"Any troubles for you two on the way here?"

Misao and I glanced at each other before smiling and shaking our heads in unison.

"I take that as a yes then."

This man knows us too well.

"Where is my kitsune of an older cousin?"

"Right behind you."

"… Shit."

Turning around, I stared up at my taller cousin with an impish smile.

She didn't hear anything at all.

Nope. Nada. Nothing.

"Kitsune, eh? You're one to talk, starting a new fashion with those eyes?"

"What, blue?"

"Honestly, you are so oblivious it hurts, you know that?"

"I think I should be more oblivious, don't you?"

"Shut up and give me a hug!"

I did so and I seriously regret hugging her… or more like her breasts.

Not a nice feeling, seeing as my head is in level with her chest, really.

"Can't. Breathe!"

"Oh? Oh, I'm sorry! I forget how tiny you are… and Misao, of course."

I heard a muttered 'Gee thanks' from Misao somewhere behind me.

"I am not tiny. I am full of womanly curves. I'm merely short for my age."

Even Yahiko was taller then me now.

But, at least I was taller then Misao.

"Of course you are. Now, please go freshen up, both of you."

With one look at our ruffled and dirty appearances, Megumi pointed a manicured finger towards the direction of the bathroom.

"Dinner will be ready shortly so be quick! And don't walk around half-naked, we do have guests."

I managed to scowl at Megumi for bringing that up.

It only happened once and it was because Sano _conveniently _forgot to tell me that his college buddy was coming over.

"You spoil my fun, kitsune!"

--

After scrubbing off the black stains on my face, I managed to get dressed in something casual just as Misao walked in on me.

"Aoshi-sama is here!"

I gagged, glancing at the way her eyes seemed to sparkle at the mere name of that Icicle.

"I was wondering why it was cold all of a sudden."

Misao glared and swiped at my head.

"What are you, a thermometer?"

I sneered back at her, flicking her forehead.

"Aren't you looking flashy, weasel-girl? Intending on helping Aoshi-samaaaaaaaa remove that stick from his ass?"

I snorted.

Misao didn't know what inconspicuous was even if it danced in front of her, naked.

Dressed in a mid-thigh little black number, Misao had probably pulled out all stops for this.

"You can say that."

Oh, ew.

That was not cool.

I gagged again, turning back to the mirror.

Yep, time to go.

"May as well face my doom now, come, Ice-sucker."

Misao blanched at the nickname and I had to run out of the bathroom to avoid her flailing limbs.

"KAORU! I'M GOING TO GET YOU FOR THAT ONE!"

"MOU! YOU ICE-SUCKER!"

I giggled insanely into the living room, not looking where I was going.

Smack.

"Fucking wall!"

"… Are you okay?"

Hold up, hold up…

"Can walls talk?"

"I don't believe so."

Ah, must have asked that aloud. Damn.

A hand came in my line of vision and I grasped it.

"I'm Kenshin and you are…?"

Kenshin …

Oh right, Meg's 'Ken-san'.

"My name is Kao…"

Ladies and Gentlemen: You have not seen anything as handsome as this man right here.

I knew I was staring and probably drooling too, but give me a break!

"Kaoru. I'm Kaoru."

Red hair, probably a bit shorter than mine.

Deep amethyst eyes swirled with tiny flecks of amber.

Oh la la!

But, he was extremely short…

Only an inch or two taller then me.

Heh.

Midget.

"Kaoru…"

I felt my toes curl at the way he said my name.

No man should have a voice as seductive as that.

"Pleasure to meet you."

I smiled brightly.

"_Very._"

Suddenly, the image of a golden-eyed dragon flashed before my eyes.

One tiny glance at the predatory gleam in his eyes was enough to make me consider running.

But something told me that this man would enjoy a chase far too much.

"Megumi! Is dinner ready yet?"

I ignored the fact that my voice was higher then usual.

I blame it on the road trip.

* * *

Thank-you everyone who reviewed. It meant very much to me and I feel bad for making such a cruddy chapter. -sad- So, I'll make it up to you all, I promise. And yes. I know. Hardly any sarcasm.

Is it too much to ask for reviews?

Trance.


	3. Footsies?

AN: Wow. It's been ages since I updated, I am truly sorry. High school has been a bother. I know, I said that this would be a three-shot, but I figured I might as well just make it a four-shot XDD Bad Trance. Thanks everyone who has enjoyed it and reviewed it, makes me feel nice and warm inside. Considering it was just a random crack fic because I was bored. I shall hopefully have it finished soon.

Disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin.

Warning: Read at your own risk.

* * *

I all but ran into the kitchen where my dearest cousin stood. 

Smiling innocently at her suspicious glance, I plopped down on one of the kitchen stools and watched her cook.

"I'm going to assume that you aren't in here to get tips on how to make an edible meal."

"Assume away, if you consider your meals edible. I must make sure I put that added arsenic tip away for later use."

"Be quiet, you impertinent Tanuki!"

I scowled at the dreaded nickname.

THE HELL DID EVERYONE CALL ME THAT?!

"Can I help with anything?"

Megumi looked like she just tasted something foul.

I wouldn't doubt the beef stroganoff that she was making was part of it.

"You? Help? I wasn't aware you could do anything but charcoal and mutilate food."

I opened my mouth to correct her but she must have noticed the look I had.

"And other than giving everyone who consumes your… meals food poisoning. Ho, ho, ho!"

She laughed, a sound that was far from the sound of sleigh bells.

More like a hyena being shot in the ass.

"Keep doing that and you'll be put down."

Instantly Megumi quieted and glared mutinously.

I think she might actually get me back for this one.

"Why are you in here, bothering me while you glance around like a frightened deer?"

I was not a deer!

I was a meercat looking around for any tigers – er, dragons, who might be looking for a snack after dessert.

Not paranoid either.

"Er…"

"Well, you have good timing. I was just about to go ask Misao how the trip went. But I don't trust you alone in the kitchen."

Eh?

Why couldn't she just ask me?

"Oh, there you are Ken-san!"

Ken-san?

I glanced over my shoulder and promptly squealed.

Jumping off the stool, I stood on the other side of the bench in the middle of the kitchen.

"Hello, Megumi. How can I be in service?"

How about you go far, far away from here?

"I was hoping you could watch over the food while I go ask Misao a few things. And make sure Kaoru doesn't set the kitchen on fire again."

"Why, is he going to help me?"

Kenshin laughed, a deep throaty sound that made me shiver.

"Not with setting the kitchen on fire."

Oh my god.

Had I not been leaning against the bench, I would have swooned.

No man should look so sinisterly handsome when they wink.

Megumi always did say that I liked bad boys.

And this is coming from a woman who is married to an ex-gangster, mind you.

"Oh, pardon my manners. Have you met my adorable younger cousin?"

He glanced at me while I rolled my eyes.

I certainly was not adorable.

Megumi was going to find out the hard way when I scribble on her walls with a crayon.

"We had a brief encounter."

Was it just me, or did his eyes darken to a more amber like colour?

I inconspicuously grasped the butcher's knife off the bench when Megumi left.

Instantly I was watching his movements.

Not drooling at the way his biceps flexed as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Okay. You."

I motioned at him with the butcher's knife.

He looked amused, a red brow quirked.

"Me?"

"Yes. You will stay on that side of the kitchen."

He took a slight step the right.

I took a slight step to the left.

"And if I don't, Kaoru?"

Have I mentioned how sinful he makes my name sound?

"I will use this here knife and hack off something vital."

He laughed again.

"You're so paranoid. What would make you think so lowly of me?"

"You know what, I think I might find Sano's knife and use that THAT to hack something off. Much more dangerous. And rusty."

Plus a better chance of tetanus.

Can dragons get tetanus?

Why am I even comparing him to a dragon?

"No, that isn't very nice, is it?"

"I'm not trying to be nice, you fool! And what did I just say about staying on your side of the kitchen!"

His eyes gleamed for a moment and he disappeared.

I blinked and squeaked again, loudly, when he reappeared directly in front of me.

The hell?

There was a clatter against the bench top as the knife was pried out of my hand and tossed away.

I glared at him.

The sudden feeling of his lips against mine, however, did NOT make my glare lessen.

I could feel the way his lips curved into a smirk before his hands started to knead my lower back.

Dammit, this would have been so much easier if he was a horrible kisser.

I didn't pay attention to the way his teeth dragged across my bottom lip, sharper than usual human teeth and oddly pointy.

I moaned.

Wait, wait, wait.

BACK IT UP, BABY.

I, the infamous Kaoru who is prone to become violent and deplete the male gender of chances to spawn, moaned?

That has to be one of the biggest ego blows I've had.

I snapped open my eyes, when the hell had they shut? And promptly bit down on his tongue that had no doubt been hopeful to tangle with mine before smacking my head against his in a vicious head butt.

Hooray for hard heads.

He promptly reared back with a snarled curse, one hand cradling his abused head and the other wiping the dribble of blood from his lip.

I leapt across the top counter and glared at him from the other side of the bench in the middle of the kitchen.

"Bastard."

He smiled ruefully, pupils dilated with a bright ring of burnished amber surrounding them.

"So feisty."

My middle finger suddenly stood up of its own accord.

How rude of it.

He laughed again before moving towards the pots on the stove.

I countered his movements, grabbing the knife when I was close enough.

"Very feisty, kitten. Very feisty."

KITTEN?

FIRST A RACCOON-DOG AND NOW A KITTEN?

THE HELL WAS IT WITH PEOPLE AND NAMING ME AFTER SMALL MAMMALS?

My eye twitched.

"Kitten?"

He nodded.

"Well, you were purring before you decided to bite me."

He grinned broadly, ducking his head to miss the chunk of carrot I seized and threw.

Rats.

Curse you, insignificant aim!

"Moron. I AM NOT A KITTEN. You'd better hope that my claws don't turn into talons."

Speaking of talons.

"Stupid, overbearing, chauvinistic dragon."

Everyone always says that when I mutter to myself, I mutter too loudly to be inconspicuous.

He glanced at me strangely.

Damn my inconspicuousness. Damn ittttt.

I do believe I'm starting to realize why people stopped giving me sugar, as well as Misao.

I grabbed the knife and ran out of the room before he could think of something else to call me.

I am going to keep this knife under the table incase he decides to play footsies!

* * *

"Honestly, Kaoru, must you always dress so plain?"

I glanced up from my position on the couch next to Sano.

"Huh?"

Intelligence is always benevolent to me.

Megumi sighed.

"Go find Misao. I'm sure she'll have something around your size that's nice to wear."

Hey, my jeans were perfectly fine!

But…

I suddenly feel like flaunting.

Gosh, I wonder why?

Glaring mutinously, I stood up.

My quest to find the Weasel has now begun.

Hmm…

It's strangely quiet…

Come to think of it, where has that really tall guy gone?

Aoshi.

The living iceberg…

Always guaranteed to be –25 Degrees!

No wonder it was snowing outside.

"…shi!"

I blinked.

What on earth was that?

My spidery senses where on alert.

"Mi… oh!"

GASP.

MISAO!

SOMEONE WAS PROBABLY TRYING TO KILL HER!

Not that it wasn't an unappealing thought.

No, bad Kaoru!

You must save her!

… Or get possession of all those pocky sticks if she dies.

FOCUS!

Ahaha!

A door!

"Ao…"

What a strange grunting noise.

Was it just I, or was it getting colder in here?

Thump.

That's it!

I must go in!

"LET GO OF MY BEST FRIEND YOU SICKO!"

Hm.

Hope Megumi doesn't want that door back.

"AOSHI!!!"

I spluttered at the horrifying sight in front of me.

"OH GOD, MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I screamed.

Misao screamed.

Probably for an entirely different reason.

"IT BURNS!!"

"KAORU! GET THE HELL OUT! DON'T YOU KNOCK? OUT!!"

"WITH PLEASURE!"

Running blindly down hallways hurts.

"Jou-chan! What is it? What's happened?"

"… MISAO AND AOSHI JUST HAD SEX ON YOUR BED!"

Pop goes the weasel.

* * *

If I hadn't been so mortified, I might have noticed Kenshin staring at me. 

I was too preoccupied with Misao.

Or at least, what she had been doing.

I shuddered.

"I think I'm going to be sick."

"Oh, grow up!"

I sneered at Misao.

"Misao, you owe me a new set of bed sheets."

Misao pouted.

Aoshi, for his part, didn't look the slightest bit abashed.

I don't think he has any other functions other than Frostbite and Blizzard.

I wonder…

If he's always so cold…

Then I wonder if he's …

"Jeez, Jou-chan, you gave us all a scare."

Good Rooster for distracting me from that particular line of thought.

"Well, are we all ready for dinner?"

It was Kenshin.

Leaning against the doorframe of the kitchen with his arms crossed over his chest.

If I didn't know better, I'd say that he was staring at my boobs.

Shame they're so small.

Well, in comparison to Megumi's.

Maybe Megumi could share.

She has enough.

What happened to the good ol' lend-a-bit-of-boob to friends in need, eh?

Don't answer that.

It sounds kind of sick.

See.

I hate it when I get sidetracked.

"Kaoru and I have to change."

Oh.

Right.

Changing.

Misao hauled me off towards the bedroom.

* * *

Dinner was an interesting affair.

I shifted on my seat.

DAMMIT STOP OOGLING AT ME!

I was tempted to glare at him.

Instead I kicked him.

Squarely in the shin.

His eyes watered briefly.

Sucker.

"Megumi, can you pass the potat-"

I choked.

Kenshin's foot caressed my calf.

Slowly trailing upwards.

Megumi mutely passed the potatoes.

Damn eyebrow and its liftingness.

"So, Kenshin, what exactly do you do as a professional career?"

Glance.

Nice question Misao.

I shoved a potato in my mouth.

I almost choked again.

IS HE TRYING TO KILL ME?!

His foot drew a lazy circle just above my knee.

I kicked him again.

Fuck.

I tried to pull my knee out from in between his knees.

Nope, not coming out.

I smiled sweetly at him over the table.

Leaning forwards ever so slightly.

He stared at me knowingly.

Okay, so I was teasing him by exposing more cleavage.

Big deal?

He couldn't do anything.

His eyes darkened.

"I used to teach kendo in my spare time."

I gave him a glance.

"Kaoru teaches Kendo too!"

I would have kicked Misao.

Had my foot not been trapped by Kenshin.

Ass.

"Oh, really?"

"Yes. My father originally taught it, when he died, I took over it. Kamiya Kasshin-Ryu. The brat does it too."

Ah.

Yahiko.

Such a twerp.

"Interesting."

Not really.

"Hiten Mitsurugi-Ryu is much more interesting."

I smiled at him.

His smile thinned somewhat.

Scary.

"My shishou taught me that style, to be his successor, although there isn't really a need for it."

"How'd your shishou know it? It's a pretty old style, and you're right, there isn't a real need for it."

His lips quirked at my question.

"It has been passed down since before the Meiji period in Japan. Its something of a family… tradition."

I glanced at him.

That sounded kind of suspicious.

"Okay then."

Better to accept it and make him think you don't suspect him.

A hand started drawing a squiggle on my calf.

Forgot about him having my foot.

I shivered.

Oh yes, his eyes were definitely golden now.

Misao was busy giving Aoshi the googley eyes.

Which he is attempting to do the same?

Key word being attempting.

Only Megumi and Sanosuke seem to be impervious to the undercurrents.

Lucky them.

Come to think of it…

Where did I put that knife?

I think it might come in handy right about now.

* * *

AN: Okay. Enjoy. I know, I suck at endings. But, oh well. Remember to review, criticism is looked upon thoughtfully, but this IS just a random thing I did when I was bored. Hope it makes you laugh, if it does then I have managed a goal XD 

-Trance


	4. Bump in the Night

**A/N:** ... Hi there, folks. I know, it's been over a year (naughty me) but I come bearing a peace offering... of the last chapter of Antonymity. Enjoy.

* * *

That was the last time I was ever going to have dinner with that damn dragon

I mean, person. Yes, person. That's it.

After that decidedly awkward conversation about his kendo style, dinner resumed.

If by resumed you mean Sano choking on a chicken bone and Megumi helpfully pounding his back with a bit more force than necessary, then sure.

I would've pounded him even if he weren't choking.

That's how good a friend I am.

"The… food was absolutely delightful, Megumi."

I glanced up from the couch to see dragon-man smiling.

Was it just me or did he look at me when he said that?

Freak.

Hm.

Something smells EW.

I look down at my lap.

EW SANO FEET.

"OH GROSS!"

I grabbed his leg hairs and yanked.

HAHA.

I have never heard such a girlish sound come from a man before.

Oh Sano, how wounded your masculinity must be.

"KAORU! What was that for?"

He pouted, rubbing his insanely long leg.

"Kiss it better."

He shoved his leg in my face.

I sneezed on his foot.

Then slapped it for good measure.

"That's cold, Tanuki, real cold."

"I hope you get frostbite."

Megumi giggles.

Where's my shotgun?

I think she noticed the look on my face.

Er…

Saved by the weasel.

You know that saying, Eagles may soar but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines?

If you don't… well, you do now.

BUT.

I always wondered that if you could throw a weasel high enough, if it'd get sucked into a jet engine…

Either that or just make a splat when it landed.

Moving on.

I feel all warm and fuzzy.

Except for my fingertips.

They're frozen.

Stupid fingerless gloves!

What's the point of them?!

They leave your fingertips numb and the rest of your hand all cozy.

It defeats the purpose, I say!

The fact that it was me who cut the fingers off in an attempt to be cool is beside the point.

Like, _duh._

"Kaoru, are you alright?"

Huh?

"No, I'm not. I'm slightly left."

Cue drum + symbol.

"Funny." Megumi sneers.

"How about we watch a movie?!"

I look at Misao.

She just wants an excuse to molest Aoshi when everyone is busy.

I KNOW YOUR PLAN!

I happened to walk in on it earlier.

Ew, ew, ew.

I thought I stopped those horrid mental images.

IT BURNS.

URGH.

Those black sheets will never be the same again.

Icky.

"Sounds good."

Ew.

Now Megumi and Sano want to molest each other.

How come everyone gets someone to molest but me?

…

I can't believe I said that.

Kenshin is looking at me.

I hope he didn't hear that.

Hm…

This silence is kind of awkward.

Not because of the fact that I might've said that out loud.

But for the fact that EVERYONE IS MAKING GOOGLEY EYES.

Stupid lovesick peoples.

Stupid dragon trying to get eye contact so he can make googley eyes.

I think not!

Oh look!

Movie time.

This sucks.

This movie is like, the ultimate cheesy horror movie.

So lame.

I'm bored.

This has gone on for ageeeessss.

Well, half an hour but same thing.

…

Hm…

Something in this scene is missing…

One of these things is not like the other; one of these things just doesn't belong…

Oops, wrong song.

I know!

The brat!

"Oi, oi!"

I kick Sano in the head, which bumps Megumi, who squawks and then distracts Misao and Aoshi from their face-sucking session and scares the crap out of a disgruntled Kenshin.

Chain reactions!

I love dominos.

They're great fun.

I don't really like the pizza though.

"What the hell, Kaoru?"

Clearly they can't see the humor in the situation.

"Where is Yahiko?"

Their expressions are hilarious.

But I must remain ever vigilant in my quest to find the location of my baby brother.

CONSTANT VIGILANCE!

…

Now I know how to scare the crap out of them again.

Whoo.

"Y-Yahiko?"

Megumi actually looks shocked.

"Is that the time?"

Misao has pointed at the clock.

"No, it's a bowl of rice. Have some."

She glares at me.

"I hope he's okay."

Some part of me knows that it's a bad thing to hope he's not.

Snotty brat will learn that way.

Everything goes silent.

In fact, why is it silent?

Oh look.

The movie is going all scary.

Oh shit.

I just remembered that I hate scary movies.

Inch closer to Kenshin…

Edge back because he noticed…

We're all transfixed on the movie.

The girl on the screen is hovering at a window.

She reaches out to touch the window, when lightning flashes.

I know what's going to happen.

Horror movies are so predictable.

I bet the chainsaw man will come in now.

And be all: I HAZ CHAINSAW WE PLAY NOW K!

And she'll be like: OH EM GEE, UR SO SCAREE WE GO NOW K!

And then it's just like: iosdfhgoh. ARGH. CHAIN SAW MAN CHASING US. Agfhdfioghdf. BOBBY IS DEAD. Alfhsioghsd. IT'S RIGHT BEHIND US. Oihgsioghdf. OMG, THIS DRESS IS SO RUINED BY LIKE, BOBBY'S BLOOD. Dfghdfoigh. HE GOT ME. gohdoghd. OH WAIT. Dioghdfiogh. HE GOT HIT BY BUS, IZ DED NOW! Dfhoidhgd. End.

See, I know all about horror movies.

Cheesy.

And why do people do the stupidest things?

Like, seriously.

If you saw a malfunctioning light behind a creepy half-closed door, you wouldn't walk into the room to meet a bloody death.

You'd get the hell out of there.

Idiots, I say, idiots!

But even if it's predictable, it's still a good excuse to jump Kenshin- I mean…

To… throw popcorn at people.

Yes…

Molest?

Haha, no, that was… a joke.

Oh shit…

Watch the movie, watch the movie…

Reaching for the window…

Reaching…

Reaching…

Reaching…

Come on, woman, it can't be that far way…

Reachingggggggg….

**BANG!!**

The door slams open.

I scream.

Megumi screams.

Misao screams.

Sano yells because Megumi dug her talons into his side.

Kenshin and Aoshi aren't as loud and just sit there, still.

And…

Yahiko is standing in the middle of the room, closing the door behind him with an eyebrow raised.

LITTLE BRAT SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME!

"Ano, did I come at a bad time?"

Huh?

Oh…

Shitsticks.

Kenshin is also giving me that raised eyebrow.

I let go of his shirt.

"It… was too flat. It … needed wrinkles. Yes."

I cough, moving off his lap.

Well handled, I'd say.

"… I could've come up with a better way to wrinkle clothes if you'd been that worried, Kaoru."

I hate him, I really do.

I mean.

Sexy people are just always assholes.

ASSHOLEEE.

I hope you hear me.

Go wrinkle your clothes by yourself.

… Ew.

I don't want to think about that.

Wait, did I call him sexy?

"Brat, where have you been?"

Diversionary tactics! Of Diversion!

Buahaha.

Everyone looks at him expectantly.

No one notices me edging subtly away from Kenshin.

Lalala.

I am inconspicuous…

And I have no idea what the kid is saying.

Oh shit.

Now they're looking at me again.

"…Hm?"

I hope I look like I was paying attention when in reality I wasn't and ooh look a bug.

NO.

MUST. FOCUS.

…

Mouth is moving but I can't hear him.

ARGH.

I'm deaf!

I've gone deaf!

I CAN'T HEAR SANO SNORE!

HALLELUJAH!

Hallelujah

Funny word.

Don't even know if I can spell it.

MOVING ON.

"So yeah, I didn't mean to be so late."

I just have to nod and look semi-serious for him to believe I was listening.

"You have no idea what I said, did you, hag?"

Caught.

HEY WHAT?

"OWW! HAG! OW-DAMMIT WOMAN, LET GO OF MY HAIR!"

My hand didn't let go; his hair let go… of his head.

"Ew. Yahiko hair."

"ARGH. NOW I HAVE A BALD SPOT!"

I burst out laughing, so did Misao.

Quiet you!

This is my gloating moment.

I inconspicuously dumped the handful of hair on Kenshin.

Lalala.

He gave me a withering look.

I totally didn't do it.

"Baldy."

"Hag."

"Brat!"

"Hag."

"Brat!"

"HAG!"

"BRAT!"

"ENOUGH!"

Holyshit.

I clung to Kenshin for fear of my eyeballs.

Megumi is mean.

And dangerous.

Not to mention hyena-like.

Probably shouldn't have mentioned that.

Nope, not by the look on her face.

I think I said that out loud.

"You did."

"… I love you?"

She cracked her knuckles.

I'M GOING TO DIE!

I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!

Well, I guess.

"You're so dramatic."

Does this mean I get to keep my eyeballs?

She glares but that's it.

WHOO YAY!

I GET TO SEE!

Ew.

I can see up Sano's nose.

It's like a jungle in there.

A jungle inhabited by giant green boogers.

Can you imagine the tribal dance?

"Kaoru? Are you even paying attention?"

"Ha… tribal dance… Say what?"

Constant vigilance, people, constant vigilance.

"I said, are you having fun sitting on Kenshin?"

"Yes."

Nyah.

Everyone is looking at me.

What'd I say?

I look down.

Why am I in Kenshin's lap again?

He's smiling at me.

…

OH SHIT NO.

"I MEAN. No. Nononono."

I leapt off him.

Face + floor hurtie.

Owww.

My faceeee.

My noseee.

IT'S BROKEN.

ARGH.

CALL AN AMBULANCE!

No wait.

It's okay.

Just indented with the carpet pattern.

Ew.

Liney.

"Dude, are you okay?"

"Why does everyone ask me that?"

I seriously don't understand why.

Do I look un-okay to you?

Don't answer that.

Even though you probably just did.

Who on earth am I talking to?

Moving on.

Ew, there's popcorn under the couch.

Amongst other things.

I think that's still alive.

I want to poke it.

But, it might eat me.

And I don't if anyone would believe me at the hospital.

'What happened to your hand?'

'Something under the couch ate it.'

'…Get out.'

'Kay.'

That'd go well.

"You need to clean under your couch."

Megumi looked at me.

"Duly noted. Now, stop being a scrubber and get off the floor. I don't want to have to clean them again."

How rude.

I coughed onto the floorboards to spite her.

I am not a scrubber!

"Well. I think it's about time for bed, now. That's been enough excitement for one day."

Nuuu…

I don't want to!

Actually, I lie.

I do.

Warm comfy bed, I'm coming!

"Wait."

Hold that thought, then.

"Where are we going to sleep?"

"On beds?" I can be hopeful.

"Well, _someone_ ruined our bed."

Everyone glared at Aoshi and Misao.

Yahiko looks confused.

Shame it wasn't him who walked in on them.

That'd be funny.

But because it was me who walked in on them…

That was just wrong. Plain wrong.

I'm going to have nightmares tonight.

Bummer.

"We'll sleep there then! Night everyone!"

Misao was gone with Aoshi before we could blink.

Ew.

Megumi and Sano exchanged a look.

"Remind me to burn those sheets."

"Duly noted." I mocked.

Megumi gave me a scathing look.

"Well, Kenshin, you must stay."

Huh?

No, no, he can go.

"You can't possibly drive home at this time of night, and you've been drinking."

Spft.

So?

I don't want the damn dragon in the house.

He might not be toilet trained.

I wonder, does Sano still have that kitty litter box?

He can use that.

That way, no mess!

"Why thank-you, Megumi-san. But there couldn't possibly be any more room for me."

Good boy.

"Nonsense. The couch sleeps four. Plenty of room for you, Kaoru and Yahiko."

…

Couch?

I am not sleeping on a couch.

"Haha. Ha. That's funny. Now seriously, where's my bed?"

"You're sitting on it."

"… I'm family! I deserve – no, I demand a bed!"

"Tough luck, Tanuki. You would've been sharing with Misao in the other room, but since she used our bed and we have to use the spare, well…"

How dare she!

Isn't she supposed to be hospitable?

"It's okay, Kaoru, I won't bite."

Kenshin's all smiley-happy.

Wait.

HOLD UP.

I have to share a bed with… him?

Oh lord.

I'm doomed.

This so must be Karma.

Hi Karma, nice to meet you.

Now that you've bitten me on the ass, you can go now.

Argh.

On the plus side, Yahiko has to sleep on the couch/futon thing too.

He can go in between Kenshin and me!

Shame he snores.

I'll just have to smother him in his sleep.

If anyone asks in the morning, I can blame Kenshin.

Buahaha.

My brilliant plan is working out!

Insert evil hand rubbing here.

"You three go get ready for bed, I'll get Sano to set up the bed for you."

Sano blinked.

"Whoa, hold up –"

One scary glare from Megumi…

"Fine. I'll do it. Now get off so I can. Stupid…"

He trailed off, muttering.

Talking to oneself is the first sign of insanity.

Don't look at me like that.

A monologue is so not the same thing.

I mean it's not out loud for starters.

Uh-oh, better get off.

Sano looks like he means serious business.

That's right slave, make my bed, on your hands and knees!

Or couch, same thing.

--

This is bad.

I mean, really bad.

_Someone_ snoring woke me up.

And you know what I awaken to?

A really bad situation.

Yep.

You guessed it.

I'm in-between Yahiko and Kenshin.

I assure you, when I went to sleep it was Yahiko between Kenshin and me.

I bet he had something to do with this.

Or maybe Karma just likes the taste of my ass.

Disturbing thought.

Anyway.

I need to get out of here.

But that might be a bit hard.

Kenshin is snuggled up to me.

Like.

Full on cuddle-snuggle-lovey-clingy.

His arm is around me, his nose is against my hair and his legs are tossed over mine.

And he's smiling in his sleep.

BASTARD.

Yahiko is spread-eagled out next to me, talking up more than half the space.

And there isn't much space to begin with, let me tell you.

Four people my arse.

The only reason we all fit is because we're midgets.

But that's not the point.

The point is that I'm stuck between a clingy moron and a drooling half-wit who is hogging the covers.

Help.

I don't deserve this.

Mou.

Oh no.

I heard a nose.

Ok, calm down, people, it wasn't Kenshin.

Another thump.

And a moan…

EWEWEWEW.

I'M AWAKE WHEN PEOPLE ARE HAVING SEX!

I dunno who it is either.

Damn Megumi and Misao!

Damn them!

Hm…

Shame Yahiko's in the bed.

…

I MEAN, NO.

I mean, shame Yahiko's in the bed on the wrong side.

Yes, yes, that's it.

So glad no one can hear my inner monologue.

How embarrassing would it be if Kenshin woke up?

I mean, I'm bright red!

…

I jinxed myself.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

"… Kao…ru?"

Awww.

He sounds so cute when he's sleepy.

Wait no bad.

He yawns.

"What's… wrong?"

He looks around, seemingly alert.

Well.

You see.

YOU'RE MOLESTING ME IN YOUR SLEEP!

I coughed.

He looked down.

"Oh…"

Yes, oh.

Now let go please.

"Go back to sleep, Kaoru."

…

Um, no.

Excuse me, mister.

"Unhand me. Before I break off your hands."

"What about my legs?"

He's grinning at me, that smug bastard!

I open my mouth to yell at him, when he frowns.

"What did I do?"

Eh?

"Wha?"

"What did I do? I mean," He saw my blank look, "Ever since I've been here you've been avoiding me or snapping at me."

Oh.

That.

I squirmed.

Then stopped because his eyes did a funny colour change.

"You're…"

How do I put this?

Not human?

Mythical? No, sounds like I'm complimenting him.

"Are you afraid of me?"

Well…

When you put it like that…

Sure.

I nodded a bit.

His eyes really are mesmerizing, have I said that?

Creepy, but mesmerizing.

"You shouldn't be afraid of me, Kaoru. I'd never hurt you."

He trailed a finger down my cheek.

Why does he have to be so damn likeable?

"How do I know that?" I snap.

No time to turn into mush at the way he says my name!

Not the time!

…

Prick!

He kissed me!

Rather, is kissing me.

Mmm…

He tastes nice.

I can taste the spices from dinner.

Wait.

What am I doing?

Did I just moan?

He broke it off.

Thank-god.

Any more and I would've kicked Yahiko out of the bed myself.

Stupid hormones.

"I give you my sworn oath. I never hurt what's mine."

He's giving me this really serious look.

"You don't know me. I don't know you."

Must… distract him… from his googley-eye look.

He smiles.

Bastard.

Stop enjoying this!

"Then we'll get to know each other. Everything."

Another kiss.

Dammit.

Stop.

I'm supposed to be the tough, hard to get chick.

"I have really annoying habits. You don't want to know me."

He laughed.

"Even if you kill people in your sleep, I'd still want to know you."

This can't be happening.

I mean.

HE HAS LONGER HAIR THAN I DO, FOR GODSAKE!

"What are you saying?"

I don't understand.

That's not uncommon, though.

"Will you go out with me? Be my girlfriend?"

Stupid serious look.

How can I say no?

It should be easy.

But no, it just has to be hard.

Will not say it.

NO!

YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!

NO, I SAY!

"… yes."

I glare at him.

This is my 'I hate you because you smell' face.

Even though he smells pretty.

But he doesn't need to know that.

"Good."

He smiles… and… kisses me.

Mmm…

I think I'll let myself enjoy it this one time.

"_Kaoruuu, _stop hogging the blankets."

Almost forgot about him.

Stupid sleep-talking brat.

--

This morning was weird.

I woke up to Yahiko screaming.

It woke me and Kenshin up with a start.

Sano came running in, butt naked, armed with a baseball bat.

Then I screamed.

Ew.

I saw Sano's dangly bits.

SO MUCH HAIR.

Gross, gross.

What is he, Italian?

I thought he was Japanese!

But now I know why Meg is with him…

Ew, I did not just think that.

Gross.

Sano saw me and Kenshin curled up in the corner of bed and smirked before realizing he was naked.

Then he ran back to grab some boxers and came back out again.

He left the baseball bat behind.

By then, Yahiko had been effectively silenced.

I punched him in the head, in other words.

Yahiko was complaining about feeling dirty because he'd been in bed with us when we were probably having sex or something.

Then he said something about us being freaks for actually doing something like that while he was sleeping.

I bashed him repeatedly over the head with the cereal box.

Kenshin was smiling the whole time.

Bastard.

It's okay though.

I put salt in his coffee instead of sugar.

Pity he didn't react much.

All he did was give a strained smile and a 'Thank-you, kitten.'

I kicked him for that.

I am not a kitten.

I am a human.

Sheesh.

Megumi looked grumpy when she came in.

I wisely didn't touch her coffee.

Well.

I offered to make her coffee but Kenshin interfered and made her one instead.

Suck-up.

Then she realized we were a thing now.

And suddenly understood Yahiko's screeching.

She gave the worst howl I had ever heard in my life.

Dude.

Not even an animal would make that sound, even if it were dying.

I didn't say that though.

Megumi in the morning is scary.

And the butcher's knife was on the table.

I can be smart, too, sometimes.

Good thing I'm not blond.

Can you get blond Asians?

I dunno.

Oh well.

Misao and Aoshi didn't get out of bed for ages.

I know, I heard them. Again.

Megumi was yelling at them when they finally stopped.

That's why Misao is now washing all the sheets and Aoshi suddenly had a meeting to go to.

It's now warm again.

Funny that, eh?

I said that to Misao and she threw a sheet at me.

I screamed and had to go have a shower because I might have gotten jizz on me.

That would have been so gross.

Sano laughed while he was eating and choked a bit.

I laughed at him choking and then ran into a wall.

His choking became worse.

Kenshin then hit him on the back and asked me if I was okay.

AS IF I WAS.

I just stalked off to the bathroom, though.

He laughed at me!

Bastard.

But that was a couple of hours ago.

Kenshin and I just got back from going out to coffee.

I now know his favourite colour, his favourite food, and his favourite scent, what he does for a living, heck I even know the list of injuries he's had.

In case you don't believe me it's purple, melon bread, ginger, a kendo instructor for his uncle's dojo and also private investigator and he's had 23 broken bones, including his leg, arm, wrist, collarbone, fingers and ribs, and had even been stabbed by a katana.

I'd always wondered where he got that scar on his cheek.

There is only one thing that I don't know about him…

"Hey, Kenshin?"

His hair waves as he moves his head to look at me.

Such pretty hair.

Almost as pretty as mine.

"Yes, Kaoru?"

…

"Are you a dragon?"

His eyes were wide and his mouth hung open a bit.

See.

I knew it.

He totally is a dragon.

* * *

A/N: I hope you guys enjoy it. Yep, that was the last of it. Er... I guess that's all from me, for now. Hope you've all like the utter randomness and please forgive me for taking so long with the last chapter. Writers block is a horrible, debilitating disease. Thank you all for the reviews! They're great. Keep 'em coming, folks. I might even add a sequel. XD

Signing out, for now, Trance.


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